CCTU 16, turmoil, change…

I was driving, as one does, my iron horse and its drinking problem and then there was me. I hear on my radio, amongst the music of today, for better or worse, something that made me wonder. It appears, that Britney Spears has under an alias joined the myspace.com community looking for Mr. Right. There are issues raised here that I feel I have no choice but to question. Firstly of all by assuming an alias she’s essentially pretending to be someone she isn’t. So she is Britney Spears minus the music, money and whatever silicon modifications she has undergone. Essentially leaving you with a personality, and some pictures of another woman, possibly someone that isn’t too far fetched from what she really looks like. (I know when my alias’s picture is the Governator of California few there are few people gullible enough to believe my favourite pastimes include Counter-Strike comps and a few LANs) I guess what I am really trying to get at is that, hypothetically if someone were to meet Britney Spears on myspace.com would she really even be a nice person. It’s a pretty common ideology that celebrities are overly superficial. Without the qualities that the ‘world’ sees as desirable (and subsequently pressuring us into being bulimic) what kind of person are we left with? I am pretty sure I wouldn’t like her, but then you can never be sure. I am judging a book by its cover after all. The second point of interest lies in if she is pretending to be someone else on msypace.com. What then are the chances of her running into a creepy old man pretending to be someone else? Why is it that sometimes in life you have to lie to find the truth? Look I don’t know these things, stop pressuring me alright.

Jacinta, back in town, to stay, to settle down…
Interesting how some things never seem to change.
Alright, The blogosphere is has collapsed slightly as the blogibility of the above statements are currently being questioned by dungeon master part of my mind which is responsible for defining the rules of engagement to which I must conform. I think the infringement is something along the lines of making a specific reference to anything in particular. However, due to the general ambiguity of the statement and waffling on that occurred since said statement was made it has been approved and is allowed to remain here in the blogosphere. The rules of engagement remain unadulterated so I look forward to the next round of superficial encounters and generally pretending to be really vague. Normailty has been restored (well as normal as it gets)

Head the size of a planet and you want me to open doors?... Marvin is such a champ.

So we were talking about predestination and I was thinking about the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and the wide spread use of time travel. It’s stated in the abovementioned book that time travel was discovered simultaneously in every time period. Due to the nature of time travel itself was able to be discovered in every time period simultaneously to word it another way. What really occurred to me is that Trillian is a reporter in an age where travelling through space and time is a pretty ordinary day to day occurrence. I mean in one way it allows you to get coverage of news stories that were previously a mystery, or so old that it’s become merely myth or legend. So on one hand you have the history channel. Then you can look ahead and get hot new trends and the latest stories by travelling into the future, but then I mean it’s it a bit of a spoiler. Like someone telling you the end of the movie, if I knew the ending I probably wouldn’t have bothered to see it. If I knew my platoon was going to get wiped out, I wouldn’t bother joining the army. This future prediction would affect potential cannon fodder in the present and subsequently without ground troops, the army may fail and the whole civilisation gets wiped out. “Just in: Due to the impact of our last story the future it again clouded, but don’t despair, Channel 10 News - “I can see clearly now”” Thirdly the ability to travel quickly around the universe will bring forth a third channel. You know the everyday local news, kind of like that but galaxy news for events happening right now (whenever that is). Then the galaxy is just so darn big, so there would be numerous 24hour channels dedicated to this stuff. Between watching millions of years behind me, millions of years ahead of me and what the inhabitants are up to in a million light year radius, there would be so much information that you would never be able to watch it all. I think that I would personally get so desensitized that I wouldn’t bother watching it anymore. Unless they could just beam it all in, but it’s also pointed out in the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy that by extrapolating data collected from a cupcake a module of the universe was created. The inventor then subjected his nagging wife (whom though playing with cupcakes was trivial) to all the information in the universe which turned her thoroughly mad, or killed her, I can’t remember which.

Bad luck comes in threes, three paragraphs, three topics, three cohesive ties, three ideologies, three main hypothesises, twice three points, three with, three against, three meanings perceived or no, it seems change comes in threes, it appears turmoil strikes thrice.

CCUT 15, I have the entirety of the Internet floating, swirling around me, pounding forwards at the touch of my fingertips yet I have become aware that the knowledge of such things doesn’t excite everyone. I am connected to everyone, yet nobody. The opportunity to learn anything reclines beyond the computer monitor. I am aware of its presence, and it of mine. Yet I do not believe it necessary to invoke it, I have seen endless opportunity yet I can only watch as it slips by. With the power to interface with people anywhere in this wide world I find there are but a few who understand, few who share my plight. Maybe it is merely me, maybe there are thousands of us. Simular stories simular lives, washed away in the multitude we are insignificant. I am sure you have heard it all before. You do however; believe you are significant and that you will make it in this life. In America they were telling children that each and every one of you (the children) could be the president of the United States of America. It has come to the attention of most people 10 years or older that this in fact is not the case. Only the most exceptional specimens of the species ascend to the ranks of Presidents, Astronauts, Fighter Pilots, Fire Men or whatever you aspired to be. Maybe your parents and teacher were on the other end of the scale encouraging you to be whatever you truly wanted to be. That is to be hair dressers or painters and the usual swag of interesting occupations.That is until crunch time when you have a small window of time in which to shape the rest of your life. In which case they thwart whatever happy rainbow related day dream you happened to be having and make your mind up for you using whatever manipulative methods they happen to have access to at that time. Maybe it’s twisting the words in a blog you wrote… Maybe they told you you’re your friends will vouch that it’s a good career move, or maybe your friends no know nothing of this deceit… Maybe they try to sway you with facts and statistic relevant to your situation; you know their knowledge of such things is but an infants.


On what terms should I accept defeat, when you fight so dirty. This is not divide and conquer, am I not of flesh and blood? I am not a possession, not believing everything you tell me, not seeing everything as you see it. Come back and talk to me when you’re rational. I respect you as a person, on the basis that our interactions are that of peoples’. You manipulative snake you believe you have but one head, you have two. We live with a double edged sword held between and etched on it’s blade, an agreement is written between us two humans, it symbolises the bargain we have struck together in the emptiness of the night. You have broken your end of the bargain with your manipulations, your trickery and black magic. I am no long bound by the bargain for you are no longer there to uphold your end. I have kept the sword however so that one day you can read the promises you have broken whilst I propel it through your flesh, in and out in and out. It will become apparent to you at this time why I had to do this, for your side of the bargain might have just slipped your mind. You believe the agreement has dissipated with time and no longer stands, or that you agreed to it in jest. In pains me so that you did not take me seriously. You think I float through life blown by the winds of this world because you do no see method in my madness? Maybe I am the madness in your methods, maybe I am method and you are madness, maybe I the method in your madness. My words weak and fumbled my gait uneven my eyes shrouded with darkness thicker than the depths of the ocean for I sit here, lame and uncaring.

Food is plentiful yet I go hungry, water by the lake yet I thirst, there is beauty in this world and yet I deny it, love and yet I continue unloved, life yet I am dead.

This is not because these things have been denied to me, not because such commodities don’t exist. It’s because my reality is so twisted I can no longer distinguish what disgusts me and what pleases me. I don’t care too much anymore for my resolved has failed, maybe you are right, maybe I am lost.

CCUT 14, The compliation CD. I thought that in the overrated spirit of telling people a bit about yourself and in direct retaliation for the happy clappy CD that I had playing on the weekend I would twist something to my liking… again… to write this blog.

I have taken my latest compilation CD that I burnt and have been listening to and am going to write a breakdown of each song and how it is significant to me. Then I realised there were 23 songs and some of those songs are going to be hard to explain but putting in that extra big of effort has proved rewarding in the past, even if nobody reads the blogs. So without further to procrastinate about, here is the CD, if you haven’t heard of one or more of these bands I can always put you on the path of enlightenment.

*01 God Save The Internet – The Broadband
*02 Somewhere Over the Rainbow – Punk Sca Cover
*03 I Would Walk 500 Miles – Less Than Jake
*04 Can't Get Enough Of You Baby – Smash Mouth
05 Better Days – Citizen King
06 Save Tonight – Eagle-Eye Cherry
*07 Definitely Maybe – FM Static
*08 Kiss Me – Sixpence None the Richer
*09 Torn – Natalie Imbruglia
*10 She's Got The Look – Guttermouth
11 Video Killed The Radio Star – Reel Big Fish
*12 Miss California – Dante Thomas feat. Prass
*13 Hot Girl In The Comic Shop – Tripod
*14 Feel Good Time – Pink
15 Forward Motion – Relient K
16 Kungfu Fighting – ?!
17 Cotton Eye Joe – Rednex
18 Bleed Together – Soundgarden
19 Reach For The Sky – Social Distortion
20 Saturday Night – Kaiser Chiefs
21 The Mixed Tape – Jack's Mannequin
22 Where'd You Go? (Radio Edit) – Fort Minor Feat. Holly Brook
23 Promiscuous (Feat. Timbaland) – Nelly Furtado
(* denotes songs that have been included in this blog)

God Save The Internet – The Broadband
I guess being the first song on the CD you have to put on something that will make an impress. As they say first impressions are everything and I think that this accurately this song accurately reflects my stance on first impressions. I guess like this song I am all about the Internet and fairly well dependent on technology. The lyrics “Jesus! Wouldn’t mess with our Internet, Kennedy! Wouldn’t mess with our internet, etc…” Really hit cords with me I guess, per say most of the time I am a pretty nice guy but in dark, dank basement of my subconscious there is a D&D player trying to roll 20s. Practically that little D&D player is the dark side of the moon, and to spite all the good in my life I am still yoked to the Internet and I won’t let anyone tell me otherwise, thus my problem.


Somewhere Over the Rainbow – Punk Sca Cover
“Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue. And the dreams that you dare to dream, really do come true”

Ever heard the original? Ever seen the original Wizard of Oz? In a world of black and white she climbs high to escape her reality, dreaming of realise and finds herself falling right back down to earth, into a pig pen ironically, if I remember correctly. So I guess that like everybody else living where I am that we hope and pray that one day something will happen and the colour will come back into our lives. That the decisions we make will be clear and straightforward. The wicked with of the west, defiantly evil, she said so in her pre-fight spiel. An underlying message about the nature of humanity and possessing qualities you didn’t even know you had. I have a sundered mind and a fist full of jig-sawed memories; I am blind to the underlying purpose of humanity in this black and white world.

I Would Walk 500 Miles – Less Than Jake
If this song was as funny as it was well written we would live in a very different world indeed. As it happens the song is very funny and the lyrics, well I guess it has strength in its simplicity. As my former IPT teacher said, most people are lazy and stupid but I am sure that you’re the acception to the rule. I guess this song is all about being incredibly devoted to the one you love, far removed from the bang bang %&$ %&$ music that is going around and it’s twisted views of love and that that is worth points in my books.

Can't Get Enough Of You Baby – Smash Mouth
I guess this can be a shout out to all my ex girlfriends in the absence of a more significant meaning. Although I guess that this meaning is pretty significant in its own little way. What can I say, I suppose we started with next to nothing and we made something of it, something good. We started out superficially and started to dig down towards what truly matters. Actually now I think about it I think I like “Steal My Sunshine” better. Although on further inspection that was actually sung by Len not my Smash Mouth so that kind of ruined my whole relevant but unrelated subject change. “Steal my sunshine” is a great song, fairly well the same deal except it I still like the song and it had a cool summery film clip.

Definitely Maybe – FM Static
I was just reading the lyrics and the whole songs points and that ‘lack of self confidence persona’ that I so often hear on the radio and the one thing that clicked with me was in the chorus.
It makes a fair bit of sense, and is musically sound; I can’t really put my finger on it, moving onto plant ‘B’ which is more of an untactful stamp on it. The song has a good listener : relating radio, that is that most listeners can relate to one or more things specifically mentioned, or at least have empathize with the target audience (those that relate to specifically mentioned issues)
If you look at particular genera and you think to yourself well this doesn’t really apply to me at all for whatever the reason. You won’t be going to their concerts and you won’t by buying their CDs which is all bad news for the record company. So why not write music that everyone can relate to? I am completely oblivious to the actual popularity or marketing schemes of the abovementioned band. I was just having a bit of a guess, the moral of the story is that I don’t (and you shouldn’t) fell compelled to accept something because of its relative popularity nor discredit a relatively unpopular band that is making headway in a difficult genera.

Kiss Me – Sixpence None the Richer
To maintain the respect of you the reader, I guess I better have a good explanation for why I like this song. So here’s one I prepared earlier. This song roughly corresponds to time which I became hooked to the “Hereo’s Of Might And Magic” computer game series. It was fundamentally a change in my priorities, the fist time gaming could outweigh school work. This was the first time in my life that I got angry about something that I knew didn’t matter. Gaming had got a foot hold in my life. A definitive moment for those who are wondering how I got to where I am today. It wasn’t the beginning, but it was the start of a new age.

Torn – Natalie Imbruglia
I actually wanted Natalie’s ‘bubbles of love’ on this CD, making it even poxier than it already is, and the possibility of having to do more explaining that I am already doing isn’t a pleasant one. Now if I do remember correctly this song is about breaking up and further on that though the film clip was essentially a couple having an argument as their house was being pulled apart around them. A lot like a back stage crew will pull apart a set for a new scene. We look at our lives sometimes and it seems like it’s falling apart. The beauty of life is shattered and you can see the gaps in the props, you see the gaps in your life reflected in the rear view mirror. This is about when the stage goes dark and you think it’s all over, life isn’t worth living. There is one thing you have forgotten, when the lights are out those black glad ninjas are always there pulling strings and moving things. Well to be less cryptic what I am trying to say is that even though you might not realise it you still have friends behind the scenes, me for one unless of course you are a random and I don’t know you (but they have a ‘send message’ button for a reason, you know). The lights do come back on and the scene has changed completely, life does go on.

She's Got The Look – Guttermouth
This song takes a slightly different perspective on possibly the oldest kind of song, the love song. It’s a song about differences (and their numeracy) and sacrifices. The singer proclaims how he would give up many things that are important to him “for you, for you”. In hindsight I think you should listen to the song and make your own assumptions. Which leaves me in the difficult situation where I am explaining the significance of songs but palmed it onto the readers to do it themselves and are subsequently left with a whole lot of nothing to talk about. Interesting isn’t it. I thinking I am getting a bit cocky, I am not that good of a writer but am I not telling you a bit about the significance of the song by making you do the research? The question is now that I know you are wondering what the significance is, and that you knew I would be wondering that, what is the significance? That means you have to be wondering what the significance to me, knowing that I have intentionally put you on this path. What significance exists now that didn’t exist before I told you to look for the significance?

Miss California – Dante Thomas feat. Prass
This song truly is a great song. This song relates closely to a particular organisation, the Scout Organisation. This song relates *very* closely to a particular hat, a “California” hat, which in turn relates to the person who’s head the hat resides on, (We sometimes called him Ms. California and sang the song to go with it) this person was more or less known at one point in his life as “Seagull”. Now he was dubbed “Seagull” for one particular attribute that seagulls have, and that he also strongly embraced. This quality was stealing other people’s food and eating food people drop on the ground and he did it too the fullest. Those were good times, mostly forgotten as good times usually are. We too easily forget the good times when life gets hard. This song reminds me of when life was simple and background art was chunky. How it was the sun was brighter, the breeze cooler. The stars were sharp pin pricks of light in the sky each with its own place. For now I realise the insignificance of our ploy and the night sky is but a blur to me now. It’s very much like when I learnt rainbows are simply internally twice refracted beams of white light it kind of ruined the association with the end of the storm. I guess I did believe there was and end to the storm, in my life, but the more I learn the more I realise it’s just a trick of the eye.

Hot Girl In The Comic Shop – Tripod
Arrrrrr the age old troubles of nerd kind. It’s that sickly feeling of ‘what if?’ that shakes you to your core. For me this number is so closely linked with infinity that it can’t be show using regular numbers. If I remember correctly I have talked on this in previous bloggs but as a reoccurring event it deserves a place in this blog and possibly many more to come, depending of course the decisions I am yet to make.

Feel Good Time – Pink
O dear, this song again. In the words of Shakespeare’s MacBeth, portrayed through Kirsten’s loose interpretation “I think this is going to come back and bit me on the arse.” This song reminds me of Charlie’s Angles which was a completely unbelievable movie. Seriously, the credibility fell apart like a Chinese motorcycle. If it wasn’t for the ridiculous kung-fu fighting (which didn’t help their credibility) and the generous servings of eye candy of guns explosions and the angles themselves nobody would have ever watched the movie.
Secondly the chorus of the song is such an instinctual, animalistic perspective I couldn’t imagine there being a more fitting sound track for a movie that rides nearly completely on the eye candy factor.
For those who are unable to grasp even the simplest of concepts, or those unfamiliar with my though process… This superficial song is the soundtrack to a movie about eye candy. Likewise this insightful blog is the blogging of a guy who lives to draw parallels and share his life experiences. (That too me ages to think of, don’t laugh)

Alright, due to expanding size and the time it will take to finish this off considering that I have left the most difficult songs until last. After exhausting my repertoire of favourite songs I added the above mentioned difficult songs. Particularly in the latter half of the CD, where as those in the former half are some favourites, but they need a bit more time to put a coherent meaning to them. Mostly due to the numerous instances of significance associated with the songs. I will finish this off one day.

<3 Chris

CCUT 13, unlucky? Lets find out. This CCUT started on pen and paper, why you might ask? Not because the computer is broken or even because I decided I spend enough time on it already (as if) It’s really because I am currently cooking tea and truth be told if I turned by back the house would probably burn down. If you think yourself particularly resilient or yearn for an early grave then this is an open invitation for anyone who wishes to dine with my in my humble abode. (Ow my stomach lining – The-Ugly-One – TGS)

In recent weeks, to use a time frame that you are familiar with, I have been getting a few questions about how it’s like to live by myself, being single and trouble free and all that Wizard of Oz kind of stuff. I would like to take the opportunity to answer some of those in this blog.

First off the bat is playing the music I like, as loud as I like, when I like, for as long as I like. Freedom I guess, I will come back to that later. I can just mope around and wear mascara in the rain; I can sleep all day and rock all night if I wanted to. Other than for the part where I have work commitments and it never rains in Dalby. Living alone is really terrific, the towering pile of plates and chaotic clothing spawning ground that is my lounge room suggests that I spend time doing the things I enjoy and nobody is around to tell me the things I don’t want to do. I can visit the people I want and drive round like a loony, not that it’s much of a change anyway. Let me think about this for a second, spending my money on whatever, whenever I feel that the time is ripe.

With this in mind it took me hours to pair my socks, iron my shirts fold the towels, then a little from column A, a little from column B to my handkerchiefs. Then double that and you might get an idea of how long it took to do all the dishes. So even though every second day I hold a one man mosh pit while ironing general house work does take up a lot of my time but there isn’t anything you can do about it. Unless I get a maid but I have to pay the maid and I have better things to spend my money on. So basically everything mentioned in the previous paragraph is a sure way to crash and burn if you neglect them.

Um, *cough* so all in all, I really didn’t cover anything you already didn’t know. Wash your pan before you use it again because your chicken will taste like the ham you cooked yesterday, keep an eye on the toaster, stay in school kids it’s heaps more awesome.

I am in an unnaturally positive mood this CCTU, but I have taken the precautionary step of freezing my assets and unplugging my phone for fear of making a flash in the pan decision resulting in something good actually happening to me for once. For those who exist outside the realm of my MSN messenger contact list I have been transferred from the field to the office and am feeling considerably more at home. When you consider that my whole day was dedicated to updating the long and forgotten archives so that next time an artefact of immense power resurfaces Gandalf doesn’t have to search through the physical copies, he can just look it up on the excel spread sheet I made. Although they didn’t play a pivotal role in the scheme of things I would like to draw your attention to those that fight evil from behind the scenes, myself included, in the areas of data collection and processing. Yeah, anyway what was I saying? That’s right! I heard that doing data entry for extended periods of time can make you go crazy, not sure if there’s any truth in it though.

CCUT 12, there is that particular time in your life when you look back. Now I am not talking about “hey remember last weekend, wasn’t that the bees knees” I am talking about proper reflection, thinking, pondering, and trying to learn from your mistakes. Finding a viewpoint bereft of the emotions you felt at that time. Not a “I really shouldn’t have done that, it was really stupid” thought you had about the DIY job where you rewired the electricity in your roof and nearly died of electrocution. I mean 6 months, 8 or 12 months. This doesn’t happen all the time you see, it happens when one suddenly foresees the end of an era, and the start of a new one. You take the time to look at yourself while the curtains close, what role did you play on the stage of life. Is the crowd cheering or crying out for your blood, are they throwing roses or rocks? You begin to see a pattern emerge, you believe yourself to be an independent being with your own will and the ability to make your own decisions. Yet the pattern is the same, you live your life exactly the same, never dropping character you are totally predictable in every way, shape and form. You know you can change, but you can’t because you’re stuck in a rut. It’s around about this time that you realise it’s not the end of a production, you don’t have a second change, a new lease on life. It’s just a different scene, part of the same show. Your costume is different. The props have changed but it’s all part of the same story, the same pattern of mistakes you relived 1000s times in your head wising you could change are all about to happen all over again. Maybe you lack the originality to write your own destiny and you try to live by someone else’s example. Like reading the script of there life and applying it to your own as you deceive people into believing you are more than what you seem. Is this why society is breaking down, why people are becoming shallow and self-centred? Maybe it’s a case of being scared of the destiny that awaits you, hiding in your mediocre shell and letting others make decisions for you. What does it matter you are no less of a puppet.

*Undefined amount of time later*

I have totally lost the vibe of this blog. I think that is because the reflective stage is over that I have been freed from the harness of sanity to run into the hot land of delirium. Well… actually that didn’t really happen but the possibility is there if I continued thinking along the abovementioned line of though. In reality I have turned to the shiny eye candy of video games and the mind numbing blur of the Internet. So what if I am avoiding my problems? I have touched on contentment a number of times and you might (or more likely won’t) want to know am I content to let the cycle of regret continue? Yes and no, I am unhappy that I lack the confidence and am too mediocre to commit. On the other hand I feel trapped in a rut and am unable to change. I must first learn to be content with who I am before I can begin to change my destructive ways.